There was a time when I felt lost, trapped in a cycle of pain and self-destruction. But through the darkness, I found glimmers of hope and the strength to change. This is the story of my journey from chaos to clarity, from despair to hope. It is a story of healing, self-discovery, and the realization that the power to transform my life was within me all along.
Join me as I walk the Yellow Brick Road to healing, guided by the lessons of the past and the promise of a brighter future
Finding Hope in “The Wizard of Oz”
Throughout my journey, television has been a source of comfort and escape, especially during the roughest times. I often imagine myself as Dorothy, navigating my own Yellow Brick Road. The characters in “The Wizard of Oz” have become symbols of hope and resilience for me, each teaching valuable lessons that mirror my own struggles and triumphs.
The Scarecrow: Believing he lacks a brain; the Scarecrow shows intelligence and problem-solving skills throughout the journey. His story teaches me that we often underestimate our own abilities. Despite my doubts, I have shown resourcefulness and strength in overcoming life’s challenges.
The Tin Man: Thinking he lacks a heart; the Tin Man shows great compassion and kindness. He reminds me that empathy and love often go unseen but are intensely experienced. Even in my darkest moments, I have found ways to care for others and show kindness, proving that my heart is strong.
The Cowardly Lion: Feeling he lacks courage; the Cowardly Lion consistently acts bravely to protect his friends. His journey shows that true courage is acting in the face of fear. Despite my fears and insecurities, I have faced my challenges head-on, demonstration bravery in ways I never thought possible.
Glinda the Good Witch: Guiding Dorothy and helping her realize she had the power to return home all along, Glinda stands for wisdom and the idea that sometimes we need guidance to see our own strengths. Through therapy and support groups, I have found my own Glindas, who have helped me recognize my inner strength and potential.
The Wicked Witch of the West: Standing for the obstacles and challenges we face in life, overcoming her shows the importance of perseverance and bravery. My struggles with addiction, toxic relationships, and self-doubt have been my Wicked Witch, and overcoming them has needed immense perseverance and courage.
The Wizard, a figure of great power, is shown to be just an ordinary man. This twist teaches us about the importance of self-belief and the realization that we often have the power within ourselves to achieve our goals. My journey has taught me that I do not need to rely on external validation; the power to change my life lies within me.
The Yellow Brick Road: Symbolizing the journey of life, with its twists and turns, challenges, and moments of discovery, the Yellow Brick Road reminds me that my path, though difficult, is leading me towards growth and self-discovery. Each step I take brings me closer to the person I want to be.
It is 2024, two and a half years since my colon cancer diagnosis. The doctor said the surgery went well. There is no more cancer, and I wont need chemo. All my follow-up appointments have ruled out any further medical complications. However, I still have Multiple Sclerosis, Stage 2 kidney disease, and depression. But my cancer is gone! I just need to come back in two years for another colonoscopy.
I thank him for the good news, smiling, but I think to myself, “If the surgery was successful, then why am I still having pain in my abdomen? Is it nerves? Oh my God, will I ever be healthy and pain-free?”
I was born in 1961 in Bemidji, MN. We did not live there long because my dad got a teaching job in Wyoming. I grew up in a small town there, with a population of just 100. The only noise was the wind blowing mercilessly through the town, which happened every afternoon in Yoder. Everyone knew everyone’s story because of the party line.
The neighborhood listened in on the phone while we talked to boys. I was so unaware. It was 1969, and I had no clue what was happening in the world, let alone in my own life. Years later, I was told that it was just the first stage of failure.
I always felt different and struggled with self-worth. Kids teased me about my haircut, my bad skin, and said my voice was too loud. When I laughed, my laughter echoed throughout the school. It hurt my feelings at the time. I felt guilty for being a human being. There were many things I didn't like about myself. I was in kindergarten, and it was soon to be 1969.
I rarely look back to remember that kid. I remember being happy in kindergarten when I graduated. I wore a dress and was smiling and laughing. My only graduation picture captures a delightful day, a memory frozen in time. Just another lie. I got good at lying, especially to myself about my own life.
I have always felt guilt and worried about my feelings, especially about myself. Laughing was my only way to cope because if I looked closely at how I really felt, I would cry. Tears were often seen as signs of vulnerability, emotional manipulation, and an aversion to intimacy. Dad used to say, “I can give you something to really cry about!”
Leaving Home
Paul Bunyon
a poem by CosmoCoach Cherylk
Theres an old tall tale that goes,
He was the Paul Bunyan
He is the lumberjack man,
He smokes his pipe on the board walk you see
Babe the blue ox stands by him and thee
He is tall enough he cannot hide.
Babe will always be by his side.
He is the lumberjack man.
His hair and mustache protect him from
the weather and sun
He is seen chopping wood and cutting down trees
From dusk until dawn.
When he stands up, he is ten feet tall.
Paul says to Babe When the sun comes down
today I am now done
Just me you, me, and the trees.
He sets off with his blue ox
Babe pipe in his hand
Then he comes back to cut more trees
all over again.
He is Paul Bunyan the lumberjack man
His Blue Ox babe is by his side him and thee.
He is tall enough he cannot never hide.
He is so tall you cannot miss him you see.
Babe will always be by his side.
He is tall enough he can never
hide from the work that needs done
for a lumberjack's work
Always gets done.
https://www.visitbemidji.com/things-to-do/history-culture/paul-bunyan-
babe/building-the-legend/
As some stories go, the idea of building a giant statue of the town's lumberjack son was conceived over sharing a pint (or two). 737-man hours, and 2.5 tons later, a national tourism legend was proudly born. After more than 50 years of towering Lake Bemidji, the statues were officially honored by the National Parks Service as a cultural resource worthy of preservation, adding them to the National Register of Historic Places. Today, the statues of Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox are recognized as the second most photographed roadside attraction in the nation. The first is the Grand Canyon in Az and Utah.
Photos courtesy of the Beltrami County Historical Society and Lakes woods.
Height: 18 Feet 737 person-hours wood framework, reinforcing bars, and cement stucco weighing 2. TonsScale 3:1 Paul was built by Cyril Dickinson Babe was mounted on a truck and was seen around the country in parades and shows Span: 14 FeetAutomobile Lights Smoking pipe simulating cold. In time, over-sized statues became a copied device for promoting tourism. But Bemidji and its' statues of Paul and Babe are recognized as "pioneers in the field." A highly popular tourist attraction, the statues have received worldwide recognition, included in such diverse publications as Gebhard and Martinson's A Guide to the Architecture of Minnesota and the Minnesota Department of Transportation's "Minnesota State Highway Map," just to name just a few.
In 1988, the National Parks Service officially recognized the statues as a cultural resource worthy of preservation, adding Paul & Babe to the National Register of Historic Places. Nearby, the Headwaters Logging Camp owned a large pair of oxen, the largest of which was used as the model for the statue of Babe. Measurements and pictures were taken with detailed drawings made, scaling the ox to a three-to-one basis, the same formula used for the Paul Bunyan statue. These scaled drawings were followed in precise detail, with the exception of the distance between the front legs. This space was widened to allow a truck to fit and be operated beneath the statue. The construction of the ox was a skeleton of wooden ribs, sawed and nailed together at a local boat company plant. This wood was then covered with wire lath. On top was stretched a padding of fiber and wool, as was used to insulate refrigerators. Canvas was then stretched over this frame. A smoking pipe, built into the nostrils, created the impression that the ox was breathing in the freezing air.
The eyes were made of automobile taillights and connected to a battery. The horns, made of tin, were 14 feet across. Both statues became overnight tourist sensations, garnering a full-page spread in Life Magazine. Although the Paul statue established immediate residence at its present location in a park overlooking the city's busiest intersection, Babe initially led a more adventuresome existence. Mounted on a Model T Ford automobile, Babe was paraded through Bemidji during the winter carnival. Babe later journeyed to St. Paul to take part in that city's 1937 winter festival, and then onto the Twin Cities State Fair. In 1938, Babe was dismantled from its mobile chassis and placed on permanent display in Bemidji next to the figure of Paul Bunyan.In the original setting, Paul had a shotgun that rested beside him for many years. Made of wood, it deteriorated over time and was removed. A replica of the gun is on display in the Tourist Information Center.It was later that through the National Youth Administration program, Robert E. Jorstad was assigned the job of building the sign, spending nearly 20 hours during January and February of 1941.In time, over-sized statues became a copied device for promoting tourism. But Bemidji and its' statues of Paul and Babe are recognized as "pioneers in the field." A highly popular tourist attraction, the statues have received worldwide recognition, included in such diverse publications as Gebhard and Martinson's A Guide to the Architecture of Minnesota and the Minnesota Department of Transportation's "Minnesota State Highway Map," just to name just a few.
The Paul Bunyan State Trail runs through a region rich in history. There are thirteen recorded prehistoric sites near the trail. Before European explorers arrived, the area was home to Dakota and Ojibwa people. The Dakota lived on these lands until the 1700s, when the Ojibwa migrated east from the Great Lakes. Minnesota is home to Indigenous Peoples to this day.
Towns along the trails have a rich railroad, logging, and cultural history and now they are popular vacation destinations that provide trail access points, and rest areas.
Leaving Paul Bunyand Babe babe the blue ox will always have a special meaning for us kids. Leaving Bemidgi was one of the hardest decisions my family made.
It was 1963. Dad had been offered a teacher position in Wyoming. The position came with a house called the teacher-age. The tiny town is called Yoder. Mom starts to cry while saying goodbye to her 5 brothers and baby sister. Cheryls uncles are sad for their sister and began to cry. We say goodbye to our aunt n uncles. Patty, Dean, Stanley, Jimmy, and Bobby. Mom says we will be leaving soon. All my family exchanges big hugs and kisses. Our Grandpa John is a stoic man and sheds no tears. He wishes them all safe travels. He tells his son in law Rolland, you better treat her well.
Margaret glances to her husband Rolland and says okay let us go. Inside shes scared of being away from her home. The only home she is has ever known. Margarets family members are well off and she was leaving the comfortable life, to make it on her own. Even though she is moving in a different place, she knew this move was already done. She is very excited and happy having four kids in a tow and one more on the way. She said to herself “What will be will be.” Q sera serah.
She is very religious, and she prays to God and she has high hopes and aspirations for the best. Her heart is broken for her family, but she knows no other way. Margarets parents Elmina and John say they will miss us so. They know we will be careful, and grandma says please take care son. We will see you when school is done. The summer will be fun. Write often and soon.
Cannot wait to hear about your journey to Wyoming...
Dad is in the driver's seat. He starts singing. This is what he sang.
Home on the Range
Oh give me a home where the buffalo roam,
Where the deer and the antelope play,
where seldom is heard a discouraging word,
And the skies are not cloudy all day.
Home, home on the range,
Where the deer and the antelope play,
where seldom is heard a discouraging word,
And the skies are not cloudy all day.
Where the air is so pure, and the zephyrs so free,
the breezes so balmy and light,
That I would not exchange my home on the range,
For all of the cities so bright.
The Red man was pressed from this part of the west,
He's likely no more to return,
To the banks of the Red River where seldom if ever
Their flickering campfires burn.
How often at night when the heavens are bright,
With the light from the glittering stars,
Have I stood there amazed and asked as I gazed,
If their glory exceeds that of ours.
Oh, I love these wildflowers in this dear land of ours,
the curlew I love to hear cry,
And I love the white rocks and the antelope flocks,
That graze on the mountain slopes high.
Oh, give me a land where the bright diamond sand,
flows leisurely down in the stream;
Where the graceful white swan goes gliding along,
Like a housekeeper in a heavenly dream.
Then I would not exchange my home on the range,
Where the deer and the antelope play;
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word,
And the skies are not cloudy all day.
Julie, Jo Ann, Larry and Jerry climb to their seats singing along. Cheryl Ann was the youngest of the kids. It was as dark outside. The sun was not even up yet. We sang as loud as possible. Filled with excitement and sadness. I saw mom wave to dad that the brakes lights work on the u-haul trailer. Cheryl Ann was almost 2 years old when they moved, to Veteran, Wyoming from Bemidgi, Minnesota. Her hair was blonde, and her skin was fair. She had a pretty smile, and she loved to laugh. Cheryl Ann was a great baby. Slept so well that Margaret had to wake her to eat. Cheryl Ann was one of Rolland and Margarets children who is an incredibly happy and fun. Cheryl Ann would laugh and giggle her way through life.
The trip from Bemidgi Minnesota took 2 days. Cheryl Ann and the family would miss growing up around the relatives. Grandpa John, Grandma Elmina, and Grandma Parson. They stayed in Bemidgi Minnesota. Rolland Cheryls dad was on a mission driving all night and day. Just to get to Wyoming. Rolland had a teacher's job waiting along with a house and a yard. Mom was looking for a fresh start and her new home. A safe place to raise her kids. This was a first of many road trips for Parsons. As the kids grew the car miles grew. Looking back at photos of their Wyoming life. Cheryl Anns remembers how as as a family they toured Wyoming, South Dakota, North Dakota, and Nebraska. That is the way they traveled back to Bemidgi. during the summer season. Every summer they would spend time together on the Bemidgi Boardwalk. Taking pictures of Babe, the Blue Ox. Riding the carnival rides. Swimming in Grandpa Carpenters Lake behind his house.
Many of these trips on the road were in the Station Wagon. Cheryl Ann looks back in time and is seeing the past. It is the day they-left Bemidgi. They are on their way to Wyoming. Rolland always drives them to and from. This time Rolly is also pulling a u-haul trailer. The car was packed with household goods including clothes and shoes. There was barely enough room for the four kids plus a pregnant wife. You could barely see out the back window. The time was going slow. The station wagon can barely go 55.
When dad was really tired of driving her stop. Dad would lay a big paper map in the hood of the car. We all got out of the car. We would stand on right side of the road. Mom said to us.” Keep an eye out for the cars.” Cheryl Ann could feel the wind from the semis that were flying by fast. The speed limit was 80. We went far enough away from the road and sat down along side the road. It was not uncommon for us to stop at rest areas to pee, eat and stretch our legs. Mom would made sandwiches. They got to eat lays potato chips; fresh fruits and they drank the kool aide.
After a few minutes Rolland asks Margaret. Are you ready Margaret? Because I am. Rolland reaches out and gives mom a kind kiss. He says thanks for lunch. Let us go.
Mom just smiles and gathers the kids back into the car. Not long after getting back on the road. Cheryl Ann’s older brothers. Jerry and Larry sat way in the back. The boys always got to sit in the very back of the wagon. Far from Dads reach. They began to nit pick on each other and started hitting each of her sisters' heads with their buckles. You could hear them laughing saying her sisters were Knuckle heads. They were brats and kinda mean kids. Jo Ann was yelling stop it. Your gonna get in trouble. Jo Ann was the oldest. Her seat was behind mom. JoAnn was the other mom in our family. She was always there for us and helped mom with the kids.
Soon enough Rolland was getting really pissed off frustrated and downright mad. Cheryl Ann could see it in his eyes. He raised his arm and placed on the drivers' seat behind him and along side mom's head. He was looking at the kids in the rear-view mirror. He said you better knock that off. I will pull over and take off my belt. I have no problem knocking you into next Sunday. It was a Saturday afternoon so that would hurt.
Cheryl Ann was looking back and forth between her mom and dad. It is bad when her mom had the same look. Even though her mom, Margaret, was a super sweet and very kind soul. She could control the kids with the most serious face. A face that stopped us in our tracks. Margaret is the equalizer for these kinds of situations. Her look could escalate the car’s temperature or cool Rolly down. By now everyone was quiet in the wagon. There was not even a cry or a whisper. I looked down to pray.
We all looked at our feet with shaking in fear. No one wanted dads' belts that left red welts. Being spanked in public was humiliating. In the sixties hitting kids was thought to be normal. Even in schools. They did not realize the damage would affect and effect generations of humans for years to come. She prayed as she sat between her parents in the front seat.
Cheryl had learned to pray in Sunday school. In her head she said.” Please God do not let my brothers and sisters be bad today. They do not know how to behave. Keep us safe from being spanked.” After what seemed like a long time. Margaret said Oh Rolly kids are just playing. Sometimes they get anxious riding in the car. Let us turn on he radio and maybe that will help. He said I will sing a song.
Dad hated for us to fight in the car, home or anywhere. He mostly raised us with love for life. He would sing say bible scriptures and recite poems. He would author poems about the world and how he was living. He loved the seasons. Spring summer winter and fall he loved them all.
As he drove, he sang aloud he said “look a long side the road and you can see, how brown the grass has grown. Soon the fall will turn to snow. The wind will blow the snow around and the white will glow. Do not hate the wind for when it comes to your home, it can bring the seeds of change. Seeds of change blow through the snow and cold air. The wind can keep you alive inside of tomorrow. In the new morning under clearer sky’s, we will see the flowers that will grow up from the snow. We bless our family's and look forward to the sun that warms my heart and home.” The end.
After that there was fun and laughter in the car. All of us kids got sleepy, and soon everyone was asleep. Except mom and dad. It was now turning midnight.
Cheryl Ann remembers the poems that her dad wrote, and she remembered the words that he said to her when she was young sad and emotional. She was 5 when she told her dad I want to die. She said I do not want to live here anymore. I hate this place. Cheryls dad Rolland looks at her with concern and sadness. She could see the concern in his big blue eyes. Cheryl saw his face soften. Most of the time Her dad had to be very disciplined. He had to be strict, stern and was usually a man who was profoundly serious and determined.
Cheryls dad Rolland Theodore Parson was born in Mitchell, South Dakota to Marie and John Parson. Cheryl Ann and the other kids never met their grandad John Parson. He died of a heart attack at 48. Rolland was considered a family person. Margaret picked him up at the old barn dance. This was in the fifties. Mom told me she wore a poodle skirt and bobbie socks. They met when Rolland was on leave from the navy. He served in the Navy during the war. This military background is why he was such a strict father.
Rolland thought carefully and said, “Cheryl Ann I understand how you feel. Not wanting to live here is a very tough decision for you to make. Let me tell you a story. “When I was young and in the Navy. I thought I would get killed. I worried for my life and the lives of others. I saw people die. I was a deep-water-scuba diver and would be tasked with finding the dead bodies. It was not easy. I was hopeful because of you kids and your mom. You guys depending on me is what kept me alive over there.
When I came home, I made a decision to make life worth living. Many people sacrifice themselves to have freedom and happiness. He reminded Cheryl that life is hard sometimes. We can be living through tough times, and we can be living through good times. In life you have to feel the pain of being humans. Its okay to sometimes be in bad mood. You shall cry and weep. You will feel better soon after. Your crying can cut through the madness and pain. Crying is a wonderful part of being human.
He then said” Dear child humans can be very fragile. Tell me what is bothering you?” She said the kids at school tease and call me names They say “your-stupid, dumb, ugly, loud, and brown nose to be the teacher's pet. Todd the guy I like says my hair is like Cleopatra. He runs around me calling me Cleo, Cleo, Cleopatra.” All of a sudden Cheryl Ann is crying big tears. Dad continues to tell her “Cheryl Ann sticks and stones can break our bones, but words can never hurt you. When someone is teasing you by saying something that is hurtful. It is usually the opposite of what they really mean. You can turn the words around. Let Us Put on our thinking caps. Whats the opposite word for stupid?
Cheryl Ann stops crying and begins to think. That is easy dad. The word is smart. “Yes, it is very easy because you are a smart cookie. Remember Cheryl Ann you have to take care of yourself. You own your own feelings about yourself and your life. Life is what you make of it. You can protect yourself from harm. You have something special inside of you. God gave us a powerful human ability. The ability to change yourselves. Imagine what you can use for protection against harmful words. By using our brain and mind. We can create an image. It called your imagination station. Cheryl Ann, we can surround ourselves with a plate of armor, a bright light or use our wings for flying. The ability is inside of you. Everyday surround your self in this light. It is bright like the sunshine. It is your protection from others. God gave us an ability to think for ourselves. You have a powerful mind and imagination. We all-have the answers to our questions worries or problems. When we close our eyes, we can see whats ahead of thee. When we can be completely quiet and very still. Take a minute with me, close your eyes and imagine that you can see a grassy hill. The kind of grass that looks soft to touch and sit on. Then take a moment to see the words they bespoke on you. Ask if the words they say about you are true. See the words are floating above the hill. Imagine the words flying around in the sky. Imagine the sun shining on the words and they disappear.
Cheryl Ann closed her eyes, and she imagined a hill with green grass. The kind of grass that is soft to touch and sit on. She sees the words floating around her head. The sun is shining, and the grass is glowing.
Cheryl Ann says to herself. Am I ugly? Cheryl Ann heard herself say no I am not ugly. Cheryl Ann asked herself the same thing for each insult. Do you think your loud? Cheryl Ann said no. I am not loud. I am not. I am not dumb or stupid. Her dad says to Cheryl see what did you tell you?
Cheryl Ann said it is not your feelings what they say is not true Those words are not you.
Then Rolland said this
“Remember Cheryl Ann what someone calls you are just words. If you do not believe what they say is real, then forget them.” Cheryl Ann started to smile. She began to giggle. She felt like herself. She was again the child who loved to read, sleep, play, laugh and she smiled. He continued with another question for Cheryl Ann.
“Do you know what it means to be the teachers pet?” “Yeah, she answered, it means they like me. They say Im cute. That I I am smart, I do what I am told to not cause cause trouble. That I am helpful. Not like the other kids. Then Rolly said you are correct you are a very good student. You get straight A is. Just do not let them take advantage if you. Some people will use the good kids in bad ways. Keep some distance and keep your self safe.
As the day progressed the conversation grew more intense. Dad said “always remember we have a secret inside of us. God gave us the ability to change how we feel. He explained that by using our thinking cap. We can see our future self's. Just Close your eyes Cheryl Ann and imagine a day without sadness. See yourself laughing and smiling as you play at school. Laugh when they tease, and they will stop. This way you are in charge of your feelings and emotions. Think about what makes you happy and do that”
Cheryl Ann said to her dad. I really like to read. Dad said “that is good. Take some time to sit in the sun and enjoy your time alive. You deserve to be happy.”
Then dad said its 5:30 and time for dinner. Dad took her hand, and they walked through the yard. Cheryl Ann looked up at dad smiling and she asked her dad. “Who’s Cleopatra?” He just smiled and laughed. Then he said that Cleopatra was a famous warrior queen. Years later Cheryl Ann learned that Cleopatra erected her own cosmetic factory by the dead sea. Cleopatra was also a great warrior.
Dad continued to tell Cheryl Ann that there is a movie starring Elizabeth Taylor about Cleopatra. We can't watch the movie because it is not out in theaters anymore. It was made in 1963.
You can read more about her in the encyclopedia. Cheryl did just that.
Heres what she learned.
Whereas myths about Cleopatra persist in popular media, important aspects of her career go largely unnoticed, such as her command of naval forces and administrative acts. Publications on ancient Greek medicine attributed to her are, likely to be the work of a physician by the same name writing in the late first century AD. Ingrid D. Rowland, who highlights that the "Berenice called Cleopatra" cited by the 3rd- or 4th-century female Roman physician or 4th-century male Roman physician Metrodora was was likely conflated by medieval scholars as referring to Cleopatra. Only fragments exist of these medical and cosmetic writings, such as those preserved by Galen, including remedies for hair disease, baldness, and dandruff, along with a list of measures for pharmacological purposes.[495] Aëtius of Amida attributed a recipe for perfumed soap to Cleopatra,
while Paul of Aegina preserved alleged-instructions hers for dyeing and curling hair.
Letter from Margaret.
Dear mom and dad. I am thinking of you and dad. I hope you’re doing well. Things are good here in Wyoming. I have enclosed some pictures from Wyoming. I have also added some information from the newspaper. The kids are going to school. They are doing well. Thank you for the Christmas gifts. It is a new year. Kelly is now ten days old, and she has a good cry when she gets hungry. I miss the farm. We will be there in a few months for the summer. Rollands mom Marie has been here helping me with the baby. See you soon. Thanks for the Christmas cash n the kids' love their skates n warm coats. We found a good catholic church in Torrington. Torrington is a small town about 20 minutes from Yoder. Yoder has one church and it’s a baptist. Wyoming is windy and cold. The snow is melting here. The sun shines almost every day. We got six inches on Christmas eve. I made a turkey for Christmas dinner. It came out great. Rolland hunted in November and he got a big deer. He hung it in the garage for a few days. The kids don’t like deer meat, we will probably have to give the meat away. The house is big and everyone has their own rooms. We only have one bathroom. That makes it kinda difficult sometimes. Jo Ann’s been helping out with the younger kids. I am looking forward to spring. We are going to plant a garden. We're going to grow vegetables watermelon, corn and beans. I have been sewing the kids clothes for school. They came it really great. Heres their school pictures. Love ❤️ you Margaret. Margaret added the following pictures and newspaper clippings below
The longhorn antelope negotiate a barbed wire fence near Trapper’s Point in western Wyoming during their winter migration. Joe Riis Wyoming Conserves Habitat Where the Deer and the Antelope (Still) PlayState is a leader in protecting wildlife migration but should build on its progress ARTICLEMay 5, 2020 Projects:U.S. Public Lands and Rivers Conservation
Heres some pictures of buffalo. They are so beautiful and huge.
Growing up in Yoder, Wyoming, was an experience in itself. The town was so small that everyone knew each other, and the sense of community was strong. We had one general store, a post office, and a tiny schoolhouse that served all grades. Winters were harsh, with snow piling up high and the wind howling through the cracks in our old house. Summers, on the other hand, were a time of freedom. We would run through the fields, climb trees, and swim in the nearby creek.
My dad was a teacher, and he was well-respected in the community. He had a stern demeanor but a kind heart. My mom was the glue that held our family together. She was always busy, whether it was baking bread, tending to the garden, or sewing clothes for us. Despite the challenges, there was a simplicity and beauty to our life in Yoder.
One of my fondest memories is of the annual town fair. It was the highlight of the year, with everyone coming together to celebrate. There were games, homemade pies, and a sense of joy that filled the air. I remember winning a blue ribbon for my apple pie one year. It was a moment of pride that I cherished.
In school, I pretended everything was okay. I laughed loudly to drown out the pain from the outside noise. I could hear the silence of the wind, and my body felt like it was falling apart. The wind could not stop the sound of my heart breaking. Then there was the quiet noise my parents made when they fought. My mother was a saint. She never knew. We saw the bruises. We smelled the alcohol mixed with cigarettes and peppermint. Is this how everyone’s family is?
Dad, do you hear the loud sounds of their hearts breaking? How was the last hunting trip with your sons? How come they won’t go with you anymore? Why did they leave home and go so far away? Did you want them gone so you could hit mom without interference? Will they ever come back home?
Then there was the quiet noise from people in Yoder’s small community. The adults who talked behind our backs because we were poor and my mom had eight kids. I didn’t have to hear it from them. I could feel it every time I stood in line for lunch. The lunch ticket was pink while everyone else’s was blue. You could see that we were unable to pay for school lunch. Lunch was $1.00, $8 a day by 20 school days was $160. This was 1969.
The quiet noise came from the boy who said he loved me. He said if you love someone, you should take your clothes off and let them lay on top of you. At first, I thought okay. Then I realized what that meant and ran away. We had been together for two years. He quit speaking to me after that. It was 1975.
I wore new old clothes twice a year: Christmas and when school began. Most were from Torrington and yard sales or the Denver Goodwill. The rich people on the hill had huge yard sales. They had the best sales on last year’s clothes, toys, and tennis shoes. It was okay because they probably only wore them once. They even recognized us and called us the Parsons bunch.
In school, when a classmate would say, “That looks like a shirt I used to wear last summer,” I felt embarrassed and ashamed inside. I laughed and lied, saying, “No, it’s not. This shirt is brand new, so it’s not yours.” I felt guilty about lying. It’s one of the Ten Commandments.
In high school, I played sports, you were more popular with the rich crowd. You would be invited to the weekly bonfire keg parties. You would lose your old friends for the rich, popular crowd. It was 1976.
The preacher said we need to go to church so when you die, you go to Heaven. He said, “Buy this car.” My sister and I used the car for our secret party-going and church. I met Jay my future husband at one of these parties.
I married Jay, but I quickly realized I wasn’t suited for the role of a traditional wife. I was surprised to find myself responsible for all the other housework, which I disliked intensely. Despite working full-time as a hair stylist and cleaning planes at the airport during the night, Jay never helped around the house or held down a job. His frequent absences from work were due to his drinking, and he often called off because he was drunk or hungover.
In my frustration, I tried to push him away by having affairs, but he didn’t seem to care. Our home life was chaotic, filled with drinking, blackouts, and terrible fights that sometimes turned physical. I prayed for a way out, questioning if I was broken and if there was anyone who could love me more than alcohol.
Jay’s behavior reminded me of my father, who my mother would search for in bars after he got paid. I found myself repeating this pattern, walking the streets of Sheridan in all weather to find Jay. He would spend his paycheck at the bar and not come home, leaving me to pay our $300 rent in installments.
I began to hate myself and wondered what was wrong with me. I prayed for a better life and started reading self-help books like “Codependent No More” and “Affirmations for Children of Alcoholics” by Rochelle Lerner. These books helped me realize that I was a good person and deserved better.
As I gained confidence, I stopped searching for Jay and stayed up late watching TV, worried he might hurt someone while driving drunk. I learned about AA and Al-Anon and joined a women’s religious group, even though I wasn’t an alcoholic. I tried to convince Jay to quit drinking, but he had no intention of stopping.
When Jay lost his fourth job and lied about my father’s death to his boss, I knew it was time to leave.
The Decision to Leave Jay**
The night Jay lost his fourth job was the final straw. He had lied to his boss, claiming my father had died, as an excuse for missing work. The truth was, he was hungover and couldn't bring himself to face another day. This lie cut deep, especially since my father had passed away only two months earlier. The disrespect and insensitivity were too much to bear. I realized then that I couldn't continue living this way. I deserved better. I needed to break free from this toxic cycle. As I prayed, a sense of calm washed over me. It was as if a small light had been ignited within my soul, offering a glimmer of hope. I thought of the Scarecrow from "The Wizard of Oz," who believed he lacked a brain but demonstrated intelligence and problem-solving skills throughout his journey. In many ways, I felt like the Scarecrow—underestimating my own abilities and feeling lost. I realized that I had the intelligence and strength within me all along. I vowed to seek help, to find the support I needed, and to never give up on myself again.
I sat alone in our cluttered living room, the weight of Jay’s actions pressing down on me. The room was dimly lit, the flickering light from the TV casting eerie shadows on the walls. The smell of stale alcohol and unwashed clothes filled the air, a constant reminder of the life I was living. I felt a mix of anger, sadness, and a deep sense of betrayal.
As I sat there, memories of my father flooded my mind. He had his flaws, but he was still my dad, and his death had left a void in my heart. Jay’s lie felt like a betrayal not just to me, but to my father’s memory. I realized then that I could not continue living this way. I deserved better. I needed to break free from this toxic cycle.
My dad died at the age of 48. He had his challenges, and alcohol was also a problem for him. Dad had gotten the courage to quit drinking. He unexpectedly had a heart attack and died. I missed him and thought about those memories watching the Wizard of Oz as a family
I remembered words from my dad. Why are you with him? He doesn’t take care of you. That’s not love it is abuse. Use your brain Cheryl and think for yourself. You used to be a smart kid. Remember that you will always have to take care of yourself. No one else will treat you the way you can treat yourself. You must take care of yourself properly. Life’s journey begins with you being able to be happy with yourself.
It felt like when Dorothy meets Glinda the good witch. When Glinda tells
Dorothy your journey has just begun.
It was not an easy time. I didn’t even cry when I left Jay. I was angry. I didn’t even have anything in common with Jay. He didn’t care about me. I still
wanted Jay to be my soulmate. I was so in love with him that being away from him was terrifying. I couldn’t sleep or eat. My body felt weirdly achy.
I was running on this emotional adrenaline. My heart was beat so fast. I was just waiting for the right time to escape. I talked to Jay about divorce. He would cry. I felt guilty. I felt like I was a terrible person. I still didn’t cry.
I was so in love with the idea of marriage. Usually he would convince me to stay. I knew I needed help.
One night when we were out partying. I met Todd. He was a man who had just left the military. He and Jay were related by marriage. Jays' dad was married to Todds mom. Todd noticed me and he knew Jay and I were having a tough time with our relationship. He had been around when we fought. He could see my heart was breaking. He also would secretly tell me that he really liked me.
He had told me if I needed help, he would come to me, and we could talk about the situation. He said he was going places. We talked and became friends. He was the opposite of Jay. He seemed strong, disciplined, and intelligent. He was tall handsome and quite athletic. He didn’t drink alcohol. He had money a nice car and goals
for his future.
When he called and said he is leaving Sheridan and offered to take me with him I said yes. I left with a few clothes. I did not care about anything else I owned. I left Jay, my car, furniture, the dishes and everything else I had worked hard for.
I was extremely disappointed with my marriage to Jay. It broke my heart. Even though I felt guilty We divorced.
Even though Todd said he liked me. I did not know If I liked him. He had a bad temper towards the government. He would make weird comments about how the government is trying to control people. He started welding school with his GED.
He took care of the finances. I worked at a hair salon. I could work in just about any state in the USA. I had built a business doing hair in Sheridan, Wyoming. I knew I could be successful at that again.
I love doing hair. In cosmetology school your taught to leave your problems at home. I had to be strong. I made great money and had plenty of money to pay my bills. My clients always gave me compliments.
It was not long, and I married him. We moved out of Wyoming as soon as we saved enough money.
Todd seemed like a good choice for me. I looked at him as my savior. I had no idea how he would be so controlling. I felt like he wanted what was best for me. At first it seemed that we would get along well together. After we got married, we lived in Casper, Wyoming.
I was set on leaving my past behind. It didn’t take long for the façade to dissolve.
What I didn’t know was much at all about Todd. I didn’t know what happened to him in the Military. I didn’t even ask. Looking back, I realized that I just wanted a man to take care of me. I was pretty easy going with most things.
Now I know better. I bugged Todd to move away from Casper.
He liked being in Wyoming. We both had good paying jobs.
He worked welding and I practiced hairstyling. I was making 25,000 a year and his salary was about 35,000. It was 1984. It was not bad for the time.
After we saved enough money. I convinced Todd to move.
Luckily Before We left Casper Wyoming, we had managed to save enough money for last and first month rent. We had a new car, furniture, household appliances, dishes etc all our clothes and stuff to furnish our home.
We moved to Tucson, Az. We didn’t know anything about Tucson or Az. At first, we were glad to be away from the cold windy snowy mountains of Wyoming. Todd found out Tucson has good jobs available for mig welders. Some of my family members live in other towns in Az.
I wanted to be in California. I dreamed of living near the beaches and the ocean. I convinced myself that Az was close enough, for now. We moved to Tucson even before either one of us had jobs. We stayed in a hotel. While we looked for a place to work and live.
We had a difficult time getting an apartment in Tucson, Az.
We went to several apartment complexes. At first no one would approve us for a lease. The reasoning behind not being approved was we didn’t have jobs. We looked for Jobs and we were not successful because we didn’t have a home address in Tucson.
Eventually we found an apartment complex that worked with us. The manager took a chance on us. He noticed how we looked; saw we had a new car.
At the time we had no idea that the apartment was in a bad neighborhood.
I had my hair license and got a job right away. Todd also found a mig welding job. Little did we know we would have a 45-minute drive each way. Since we had one car. I would drop him off at 6 am. I would then drive the 45 min drive home to get ready for my work shift at 10am. Todds shift ended at 3. He got a ride home from work. I usually would get home by six. I would usually cook dinner.
I still found myself in charge of most of the cleaning and cooking. Todd took care of the money and bills.
We fought. I was difficult being in a city where we didn’t know anyone.
Todd liked going to dinner every Saturday. He picked a new place every week.
We spent our nights and weekends watching tv. He picked the shows. We went to the movies. He picked the movies. He was in charge of when we went to the library. Todd was so burnt out after working at welding all day. He said the heat was really tiring. I was not very sympathetic about the situation.
I began to go stir crazy. I would go outside the apartment by myself to Jog in the morning. I also sunbathed and swam in the pool at the apartment. I roller bladed at night after work.
Todd never came with me. I felt so alone. We would fight about how he controlled my life. He even picked what wed buy at the grocery store. I had to get permission to visit my family. My family didn’t care for Todd. They really cared for Jay.
I started to feel more isolated uncomfortable and unwanted.
Eventually I had to quit the sunbathing n swimming because it was also unsafe. I noticed glances and received questions about my marriage at the pool.
A few men would try and flirt with me. I always wore my wedding ring. I told them I am married. They would ask where my husband was. They noticed how I was alone. I learned that there were bad people who preyed on women jogging by themselves. I will never forget this one morning. There was car driven by a guy that was following me while I was running. I ran as fast as I could back to the house. I had to give up jogging. Luckily, I trusted my instincts and sprinting home saved my life.
Todd wouldn’t do anything he didn’t like. Todd said he didn’t care to jog, swim or sunbathing. I have always liked to exercise. I was attractive and in good shape.
He hated for me to drink. I already had the signs of depression that were not addressed. I still hadn’t dealt with the pain of the divorce. I rebelled against Todd rules.
He was the first to call me “white trash,” repeatedly telling me I was nothing but poor white trash a drunk, unworthy of love. One night, he picked me up and slammed me down, leaving me to drunkenly fall on my face. We had been to dinner. It was date night. I only remembered because of the bruises. I vaguely recalled us having sex, but I was so intoxicated that most of the night was a blur. I was 22 years old. Todd was the not the man for me. It’s not a good! He was so controlling and jealous, resenting me for our life in Tucson. He despised my drinking. He wanted to move.He hated the Tucson extreme heat and he missed Wyoming.
I joined a softball team with some colleagues. We often drank during and after the games. My husband didn’t join me in softball, and I started an affair with one of the players. When my husband said I talked in my sleep. He said I confessed I was having an affair. I denied that I was seeing anyone. He looked so hurt thinking about me having an affair. It was really sad. Todd didn’t deserve that. we talked about our relationship. We worked on fixing my unhappiness with our marriage. We talked about moving because disliked where we lived. The apartment had roaches apartment we lived in for three years. I decided we should separate and work together on our marriage. I really felt I needed to move out on my own. I rented a studio. I bought a used car. He said if I move out that would be the end of our relationship. I didn’t want a divorce. I needed to find myself by being alone. I loved Todd and felt very bad leaving. After being in my own I couldn’t go back to my husband. He met someone else. It was to late. He divorced me in 1990.
I continued the affair with the softball player, who was also married. I began to work on myself. I started seeing a counselor. She was very helpful in the beginning. She encouraged me to switch jobs. I was not making enough money at my current salon. She told me to end the relationship with the married man. At the time I couldn't end it. I was very attracted to him. We had fun. Wed camp fish and hunt together. We would have sex in the car, hotels and my apartment.
I dated other men, which he couldn’t tolerate, leading him to divorce his wife. Shortly after, I caught him cheating, and we broke up.
Softball remained a part of my life. When I met my next husband, I had a premonition that he would marry me. He was a sweetheart with three children, whom I accepted as my own. It was difficult because of their initial resistance and their mother’s bitterness. We stayed together for nine years. It ended for a few reasons.
I had another affair but ended it, hoping to salvage my third marriage. 911 happened and I cried. I hadn’t cried since 1982 when my father died. My husband Jaime was very slow to show emotions. He never cries. He just kept his feelings hidden.
found that what happened to the people that were killed from the terrorist. Melted my tin exterior and the crying was real. I began to be more sensitive.
My step kids never really accepted me. They acted like I was invisible. I dreaded their visits. it was also difficult to understand why. My self esteem suffered. I didn’t want to continue feeling bad about myself. Most people like me. I always felt good about my hair clients. I was a manager of a Super cuts.
Eventually, I realized I was unhappy, both in my marriage and with myself.
By this time, I was experiencing neurological symptoms, which were later diagnosed as Multiple Sclerosis. I had to seek medical treatment for the condition.
SteampunkEd lessons
Steampunk Universe, United States of America